A while back I had an afternoon off — no meetings, no fires, nothing urgent. I knew I had a few tasks to get done but they weren’t time-sensitive, so I told myself I’d relax first and get to them later. Classic move. I sat down, put something on, and tried to enjoy the rare downtime.
Except I didn’t enjoy any of it. My brain was running a background process the entire time, tracking what I still had to do, estimating how long each thing would take, recalculating how much “free time” I actually had left. By the time I got to the tasks I was already stressed, rushed through them, and ended the day feeling like I had neither rested nor been productive. I’d managed to ruin both halves of the afternoon.
The next time it happened I flipped it. I knocked everything out first — took maybe an hour and a half — and then had the rest of the day genuinely free. No background noise, no mental tab open. The difference was absurd. My brain got its reward for getting things done, and the downtime that followed actually felt like downtime.
This is how my brain works (and I suspect a lot of brains work, specially the ADHD-flavoured ones). Dopamine comes from completing, not from postponing. Indulging after doing something gives you the reward. Doing it the other way around just means you’re anxious during the break and rushed during the work.
There is very little time as it is. Even fun needs to be somewhat deliberate to be fully enjoyed.